


Three Lawyers and a Baby

by Shadowcrawler



Series: Three Lawyers and a Baby [1]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Drunken Shenanigans, Fluff and Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 22:38:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9037742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcrawler/pseuds/Shadowcrawler
Summary: Karen and Foggy are bonding at the office (read: drinking) late one night when they find something unexpected.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oneworldaway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneworldaway/gifts).



“Oh my god, this is  _ impossible _ ,” groans Foggy, letting his head slide out of his hands and face-first onto the briefing he’s been reading. 

Karen makes a sympathetic noise. “Anything I can do to help, Fog?”

“Not unless you can suddenly find a loophole in the ten years of missed payments this poor guy has accumulated,” sighs Foggy, resting his head on one hand. “I mean, we’re gonna do our best, we always do, but it’s just...impossible.”

“Shouldn’t you be agonizing over it with Matt, if you have to be here after hours?” 

Foggy sighs. “You know where he is.”

She does. And she knows it’s something Matt just  _ needs  _ to do, like breathing or eating or sleeping. He needs it maybe more than the innocent people he’s protecting need him. That doesn’t mean it’s not really frustrating. 

So, she shakes her head and smiles and says, “Hey. What if I said I had a bottle of that stuff from Josie’s?”

He blinks. “You mean…”

She ambles over to her desk and rummages for a minute, pulling it out triumphantly. “You’re in need of some mighty fucking eel strength right now,” she says, swinging it enticingly in his direction. 

Foggy glances guiltily down at the paperwork, and then back at her. “You’re not gonna get anywhere staring at that for another hour,” Karen points out. “You might as well take a break. Have a drink with a friend?”

\---

“This was a great idea!” slurs Foggy, slumping back into his chair and nearly falling over in the process.

Karen giggles. “Please don’t hurt yourself. Then you would have to...sue yourself? Can you sue yourself?”

“People have before, actually,” mumbles Foggy with a silly grin. “Mostly for insurance claims and stuff like that. But it’s not, not like we’d get anything if we did that, so. I shan’t sue myself today!” He takes another drink.

Karen keeps giggling. “Would you have to represent yourself or would Matt…? I’m, I’m imagining you climbing over the witness stand to go back and forth and it’s so  _ silly! _ ”

Foggy laughs and starts to reply, but then there’s a loud knock at the door. “Who is it?” Foggy calls lazily, making Karen nudge him and make a  _ ssshhhh _ noise. At this time of night, a knock on the door can’t mean anything good.

Even as drunk as she is, she has enough presence of mind to get on her hands and knees and carefully crawl to the door to listen through it. When there aren’t any further noises from outside, she cautiously stands up and turns the doorknob to see who’s there.

All that does is confuse her more, because there’s nobody there. At least, until she looks down. “Foggy,” she says, blinking over and over again to make sure she’s not seeing things, “come here.”

“What?” he slurs, standing up (with some difficulty, considering how drunk he is). “‘S goin’ on?”

“ _ Sssshhh! _ ” she hisses again. “Just c’mere!”

“Ms. Page, I will have you know that I am your employer and you can’t just tell me to-” Foggy finally manages to get to the door, then looks down. “Holy shit.”

Foggy’s outburst seems to have awakened the baby, which is impossibly tiny and big-eyed and doesn’t really seem to be able to focus on either of them. It’s wrapped up in blankets and lying in a tiny basket, and Karen mumbles stupidly, “Is that...a doll or something?”

“Oh my god,” Foggy groans, leaning on the doorframe. “What the hell is going on? I’m too drunk for this!”

Karen leans down to pick up the basket and examine the baby closer. It blinks and makes a weird mewling noise, and, yeah, this is an honest-to-god real baby she’s holding. “Oh my god.” 

Foggy leans over to look too, still holding onto the door. “It’s so... _ small _ .”

Karen stumbles back inside, trying to hold the baby in a way that won’t jostle it too much, but it’s hard, because it’s so  _ tiny _ and she’s nowhere near sober enough to be holding a goddamn baby and what the fuck is going on, honestly? She manages to get to the desk without dropping the basket and sets it down as gently as she can. The baby makes a weird snuffling noise and Karen worries for a second that she’s hurt it somehow, but after a while it calms down again. (Somewhere in her hindbrain she scolds herself for referring to the baby as “it,” that seems rude, but she doesn’t trust herself to try to unwrap the baby right now either.)

Foggy makes a noise and pulls out a piece of paper that’s tucked in beside the baby. “Holy shit,” he says, reading it. “I might be too drunk to read this right but did we honestly just get a baby on our doorstep?”

Karen reaches for the note, and it does take her a second to make her eyes focus on the words properly, but it says something along the lines of  _ You help so many. Please help my daughter too. _

“ _ What? _ ” she asks, and she was trying to be quiet but the baby makes a distressed noise and then starts to cry, and that makes Karen want to start crying too. “What are we gonna  _ do _ with her?” she asks Foggy. 

He looks equally lost. “Um, this is, um, legal, I think? There’s a, there’s a law about abandoning newborns to the proper authorities, um…”

“We’re not the proper authorities!” Karen hisses, then carefully eases her way down onto her desk chair because the baby probably needs to be held, and she doesn’t think she can hold her and stand up at this point. Once she’s sure she’s not going to fall out of the chair, she carefully slides the basket over and takes out the baby, who is still crying. “Hey, hey,” she murmurs, holding the bundle close and frantically trying to remember the techniques she learned in health class years ago. “Don’t cry, please don’t cry.”

Foggy runs a hand through his hair. “I’m too drunk for this,” he says.

\---

They end up getting a cab down to the police station, once the baby has finally stopped crying and seems to have fallen asleep. Her panic having subsided, Karen suddenly finds the absurdity of the situation almost too much to bear. “Foggy,” she whispers, barely holding back the giggles, “we drank the eel again.”

Foggy widens his eyes. “Don’t call the baby an eel! She can hear you!”

Karen can’t let go of the baby, so she tries to keep her giggles quiet. “I wasn’t calling  _ her _ an eel!”

“Good,” says Foggy resolutely. “We can’t call her Eel. That’s not a person name.”

“What about Eel-ise?” replies Karen, grinning the grin of the truly drunk. “Elise. That’s a person name.”

“Elise is a person name,” agrees Foggy. “And...and what do we do for her last name? We’re not married.” He makes a face. “I don’t think we can afford a wedding.”

“ _ We _ don’t have to get married, silly!” says Karen, leaning against him fondly. “Babies don’t need married parents. And what about Matt? The note meant you and Matt, I think.”

“Well, Matt’s not here,” says Foggy, pouting. “He’s off doing his dumb hero thing and not helping us drink eels or save babies. Hey, does this make us superheroes too? Because we’re saving this baby?”

Karen sighs. “Don’t be  _ mean _ ,” she scolds. “Elise can hear you.”

“ _ You _ were calling her an eel! That’s  _ so  _ mean!”

The rest of the night passes in a blur, but eventually they end up crashing in Foggy’s apartment around 4 AM, Elise Matthew Nelson-Page carefully swaddled in her tiny basket in lieu of a crib.

\---

Karen arrives at the office the next morning, bleary-eyed and stumbling over her own feet. (Who knew something that small could be so  _ loud _ ?) “Hey, Matt,” she says, blinking at him. “Um, Foggy’s gonna come in later today and then I’m gonna head out for the day.”

Matt frowns. “What’s going on? You sound off, are you sick?”

“No, no, it’s…” Karen sighs. “We were at the office late last night and something, um, happened.”

“Something...happened.” Matt sounds like he might laugh. “I’m guessing more than a bad hangover, judging by the way your heart’s going.”   
  


“Yeah. Um…” Karen takes a deep breath. “Someone left a baby at the door.”

“A  _ baby _ ?” Matt’s expression says neutral, but his voice gives away his shock. “A  _ human _ baby?”

“No, a squid baby,” she snaps, and then regrets it and adds “Yeah, a human baby” more kindly. “They think she’s about three weeks old. Um, Foggy and I have temporary custody of her and they’re looking to get her into a foster home or an adoptive-”

Matt grunts. “Any reason we can’t keep her?”

Karen blinks. “Um, because none of us have ever raised a baby before? I mean I guess I don’t know about you, but Foggy and I sure haven’t. I guess I babysat my little brother sometimes, but not until he was out of diapers. We’re really not...suitable.”

“Can I meet her?” Matt asks.

That wasn’t exactly what Karen was expecting. “Um,” she says. “Sure?” 

It’s not a very long walk to Foggy’s apartment, but it feels longer because Karen has no idea what to say. “Foggy and I took turns with her last night. She’s pretty cute, I guess, when she’s not screaming or pooping.”

“Babies do a lot of that,” says Matt, sounding amused. “I don’t have a lot of experience with them, but I do know that much.”

Karen snorts. “Yeah, I know, but...I’m not exactly the maternal type, I don’t know if you’ve noticed.”

“Like you said, none of us are really suited to be parents,” Matt points out. “I just hate to think of another kid ending up in the system like...me.”

Karen frowns and whines sympathetically. “Matt-”

“Was she already named Elise or did one of you come up with that?” Matt’s tone sounds brighter, like he’s not interested in continuing that discussion further (which isn’t really surprising). 

“Oh god,” groans Karen, “you honestly don’t want to know why we picked that.”

When they knock on Foggy’s door, the last thing they’re expecting is for Marci Stahl to open it, holding Elise. “Oh,” she says, curling her lip ever so slightly. “You’re not the grocery delivery guy.”

“Nope,” says Matt with a tight smile. “Nice to see you, Marci.”

“Yeah, I can tell you’re thrilled,” she snarks. “Come in, I guess. I was just about to put the little bastard down for a nap.”

“Don’t call her that!” hisses Karen. 

Marci shrugs. “She can’t understand me. And if I speak in a happy voice it doesn’t matter,” she coos to Elise, shifting to said voice so abruptly that Karen finds it a little creepy. 

“What are you doing here?” Karen asks. “Did Foggy call you?”

“Yeah, he was in pretty bad shape when I got here. How can none of you know how to properly feed a baby, my god.” Marci rolls her eyes. “I helped him out and then I made him go lie down and now he’s snoring. I took the opportunity to order some stuff you’ll need - my regular delivery guy will be here any minute.” Elise starts whimpering, and Marci rubs her back and murmurs soothingly to her until she quiets again.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” says Matt, “but I wouldn’t think you would...like babies.”

“Oh, I don’t,” she says. “But I babysat my way through undergrad, and kids seem to like me even if I don’t like them. Really little kids are super easy, you can say pretty much anything to them and as long as you sound like you’re being nice, they don’t know the difference. She’s kinda cute, your little munchkin.”

“Thanks,” says Karen, feeling oddly proud. “And, um, thanks for helping. We don’t…we kind of got taken by surprise.”

“No shit. You three are probably the single least qualified people in all of New York to be taking care of a baby. But Foggy wouldn’t let go of her until I forced him to go in and sleep, so I don’t think you’ll be getting rid of her anytime soon. I might as well make sure you don’t fuck up spectacularly.”

Matt laughs. “It’s appreciated. I think.”

Marci shrugs. “C’mon. You can watch me put her to bed, I guess. You are planning on getting an actual crib, right? You can’t keep putting her in the basket.”

“Of course we are,” says Karen, frowning. “We just haven’t had time.” 

“Whatever. It’s not really something you can wait on. I’ll order one right after we get her to bed.”

“Fine,” replies Karen, trying not to be offended. 

“Can I hold her?” Matt asks. 

Marci narrows her eyes. “Okay, but not for that long. She was starting to doze off before you two showed up.”

Once he’s settled on the couch with Elise in his arms, he gently runs a finger over her tiny cheek. “She’s sweet,” he says.

“Yeah, she’s in that stage where she doesn’t do anything except eat and poop and cry and be cute. Not exactly easy, but easier than when they’re big enough to run around and draw on the walls and shit.” Marci smirks down at the baby, and it’s almost fond. “Oh. I was gonna ask Foggy, but then he passed out. I saw the paperwork and... _ Matthew? _ ”

Matt frowns. “What?”

Karen blushes. “Um, her middle name is, um, Matthew. We...the last name we put on the paperwork was Nelson-Page and we wanted to include you somehow. Foggy insisted.”

“ _ Matthew? _ ” Matt asks, accidentally jostling Elise, who cries out. Marci groans and takes the baby from him, rocking her until she calms again, and Matt whispers to Karen, “You know there are actual girl names that have ‘Matt’ in them right? Matilda. Mattie. There have to be others. That aren't Matthew.”

“We were really drunk?” Karen asks, grinning sheepishly.

Marci rolls her eyes but doesn’t respond, since she’s busy with Elise, and Matt sighs. “I should be touched, I guess.”

Once Elise is asleep and Marci is directing the delivery guy in the kitchen, Karen glances at Matt and whispers, “Hey, do you think your nurse friend would know anything about babies?”

“I don’t know,” says Matt, looking thoughtful. “I guess it’s worth a shot.”

\---

Claire blinks awake sleepily, in her hostel in Mazatlan. Her phone is buzzing, which makes her groan and shut her eyes until it buzzes several more times in quick succession. When she glances at the screen, she sees that it’s a bunch of voicemails from…

Matt.  _ Jesus. _

She opens them warily, then she has to slap a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from laughing aloud. Six messages, Matt’s voice trembling ever so slightly during them as he asks a variety of questions about infant care. 

Shaking her head, she sits up and sets her phone aside. “Learn to google, Murdock,” she mutters cheerfully, stretching lazily. “I’m taking my damn vacation.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know that a) this show is way too serious to ever do this kind of episode and b) these characters are literally the least suited for childrearing in all of New York, but the original impetus for writing this was that the title occurred to me one day (Marci is, of course, the third lawyer) and then there wasn't any fics with that title, so I just...ran with it. Also I imagined Claire lying on a beach somewhere sipping a nice martini and blissfully ignoring and/or laughing at all of Matt's frantic calls. Poor Claire deserves a nice vacation from everybody's constant drama.
> 
> Also that law (about leaving an infant under 30 days old with a "appropriate" caregiver and promptly notifying them of the infant's location) [seems to be real](http://ocfs.ny.gov/main/safe/info.asp), although I may be misrepresenting or misunderstanding it slightly. Let me know if I've gotten anything egregiously wrong!


End file.
